Saturday, July 26, 2014

When Life Ceases To Make Sense

When life ceases to make sense, what is it that you do with yourself? How do you cope? How do you continue to survive when everything you ever imagined or wanted for yourself has turned upside down and inside out? The answer? I wish I knew.

It is a curious sensation to try and re-imagine,reinvent, and create new dreams for yourself after such an event and epiphany occurs. Everything is so confused and bizarre anyway that you can't make heads or tails of it. You don't know or have any clue about how you're going to do this, you just know that it has to be done, no matter what. It eats away at you like a perverse, ticking time bomb until you finally make one step towards reinvention.

Eventually, slowly, very slowly, you start to make some headway. So, you're not getting married in the temple to the love of your life? FABULOUS! Work on receiving your endowments instead. You don't need a man to receive some of the blessings of the temple. You're not able to use your education degree in the traditional way because of a chronic illness? FANTASTIC. Tutor or teach private lessons! You can still make an impact and change a child's life working with them one on one. Men keep using you like a laboratory-trapped guinea pig over and over again? PHENOMENAL! Forget the dirt-bags, work and focus on yourself, became Lady Gaga fabulous, and make them rue the day that they dragged you through the dirt and let you go.

I haven't got everything figured out yet, and I don't know if I ever will. But the point is that I'm trying, despite the horrifically sh***y hand that I've been dealt.  I won't give up yet, though. It's not my time.