God is performing a change and a mighty work within me.
Right now, at this moment, things are the hardest that they've been in a long time. Over the past little while I have come to understand a little better the role that God plays in my life and just how involved that He really is. He sees who we are now and He sees who we can be in the future; He sees everything and is beautifully and mercifully prepared for each possibility and each choice that we make.
While I was unpacking a few weeks ago I came across a stack of filled and finished journals. I came across an entry and a description of a blessing that I had nearly forgotten about; one that happened during a significantly difficult time in my life. As I was reading this entry, everything that has happened to me over the past several months clicked into place and suddenly made sense. In this entry, God was giving me a warning. A caution against something that would not happen for almost two years.
What's beautiful about this is that He saw. He knew the lessons that I had to learn; the ones that I would not be able to learn any other way. Lessons that were essential to my eternal progression. He saw what needed to happen and how hard it would be and He jumped right in to preparing me for what was to come even though it was in the distant future. This revelation was a wake-up call. I was feeling uninspired, worthless, and confused about my future and confused about the reasons for some recent trials and why I "wasn't" given any reason behind them.
I was struggling. Struggling to heal from the trials and the unfortunate damage that had been done to me by them. Honestly, I was wondering if God really cared about me at all; if there was really any rhyme or reason to my trials or if they were just meaningless. And when I was at my weakest, God saw the danger that I was in, saw my sincere desire to know the truth and His will for me...... and then showed me what I needed to see so I could start to heal.
I am thankful for God and for the role that He has played in my life so far. I am thankful for His sacrifice of sending His Only Begotten Son to earth to fulfill the Atonement. I am truly thankful for Christ's faith and his willingness to do our Father's will, even though he was scared. He saved us all so that we could have the opportunity to repent. So that we could all be together forever someday. Because of the atonement, I can begin to heal. Through the atonement I can learn to love myself and I can use that power to forgive others and use it to forgive myself.
God and Christ love us. Whether we like it or not, they are in every single part of our lives. They see every possibility and future and they see our magnificent potential to be what we are destined to be.We absolutely need Them. I know that now.
"Lord, I need you, oh I need you! Every hour I need you! My one defense, my righteousness! Oh God, how I need you."