Thinking about it, the past month and a half or so has been absolute terror, torture, and hell, all rolled into one big, wretched mass of emotional and mental turmoil. I have moved from Provo, Utah to Phoenix, Arizona, and taken a brand spankin' new job teaching terribly ruthless eighth graders. I have officially started from scratch and I am officially a grown-up; living on eggs and potatoes, trying to strike out on my own, and make a life for myself. And you know what...? It kind of sucks rocks right now, I'm not going to lie to you. But, before I get into all of that and get off topic, I want to touch base on a few of the things that have been on my mind as of late. Ladies, you can stop reading here if you'd like, but men? Read on brothers, read on. This is for you and your comrades in arms.
I have had my heart ripped out of my *pardon my French* ass for the last time. Us women need men. We need men. We need men. We need men. Sure, it feels abso-freakin'-loutely spectacular to be cuddled, held, stroked, and, not to be particularly vulgar or anything, be French kissed every so often, but good GRIEF! Pull your heads out of your butts and COMMIT already! I am not something for you to play with whenever you feel like it. I am NOT someone for you to mess around with until you've decided you've had your fill and can now toss me aside. Us women need men who not only do the nice things I've mentioned above, but we need men who actually care about us, who actually think before they act; men who aren't afraid of commitment, men who aren't scared of finding someone to start the rest of their lives with. I am NOT, I repeat, NOT for you to experiment with when you're still trying to figure out who you are, what you want with you and what you want in your life, let alone what you want in a girlfriend and future spouse. Doing what I've described is just plain mean, downright cruel, and quite frankly, inconsiderate treatment of a fellow human being and child of God. Stop it. Just STOP IT.
Now, I know that I am not perfect. Only Heaven knows how imperfect I actually am, but I am coming to the conclusion that I deserve respect and consideration and basic common courtesies when I am involved with someone, even when we are just starting to go on dates and not in an actual relationship. So boys (because that's what you're acting like), don't lie to me about how you're feeling because you're afraid to say what you really feel just in case it hurts my feelings, don't hold my hand, hug me, or most especially, kiss me, if you don't mean it. Save that garbage for the nuclear waste dump in your thick heads because it has no place in the real world. No one, and I mean, NO ONE, deserves to be treated like that. I don't care who you are or what you've done, but no one needs that extra baggage.
1. So, don't you dare come near me unless you have your act together. (Know who you are as a son of God and what you truly want out of life. I've had a hard enough time figuring out who I am and what I want and sorry, but I don't have the time to help you do that. That's something you need to do for yourself.)
2. Don't even think twice about holding me or kissing me until you're sure that you're in it for the long haul and that you're not just going to frolic off into the sunset when you've finished with me.
3. Don't you even entertain the thought of lying to me, because I will suss it out, and I will kick your trash. And so will all of my friends. And especially my baby sister. Don't mess with that chick. If you want me to be your girlfriend, you share things with me, not hide them from me.
4. Respect me and who I am as a daughter of God, and respect what that means. Can you imagine how horrified God is when He sees what you are doing to and how you are treating his precious daughters? You better take cover with that idiot metal strainer in the kitchen because a storm's coming for you.
Boys, rise up, and act like the men that God wants you to be; the men that He expects you to be. How can any of us expect to get to the Celestial Kingdom of God if you're acting like this? How eternally sad will God be if all of his precious daughters grow into old age and pass into the next life without ever experiencing an honest-to-goodness, heartfelt, true, and respectful relationship? How will He feel when this happens and that his precious daughters who righteously desired to have a family never got to birth their own children and raise them?
And don't you even DARE think about saying that this will happen because we're "picky". I would rather wait forty years for a right man who will treat me with honesty, integrity, kindness, respect, and love me for who I am, than settle for a boy who will treat me abominably ill and leave me when he's decided he's finished with me.
I am declaring that I am waiting for a man to come and find me and I am no longer interested in wasting my time with boys. So if you're a boy, go find something else to do with your time, and if you can honestly call yourself a man, step right up, because I've been waiting for you. I deserve better than what I've been given and I am willing to search for it, and if needs be, wait for it, until a right situation comes along.