As For Me and My House

This song has been a great source of inspiration for me lately. I know things are tough right now, but I also know that I will be eternally blessed for following God's plan and for following Him and trusting in Him even when I can't see where I'm going. He loves you. You are a Child of God! Remember that and remember that glory is your destiny.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjRiNL1HKns&NR=1&feature=endscreen

Ramblings...

A lot has happened lately and a lot has been on my mind. So many things are happening and going on right now; I don't feel nearly old enough to be making all of the decisions I've been having to make. I don't feel like I'm nearly twenty-two and a half....I actually feel much, much older. If that makes any sense at all. You sometimes reach a point where you're just very, very weary and that also contributes largely to how old you feel. I've been through more than most people go through in three life times and it's starting to catch up to me, I suppose.

Within a few short months, I will be graduating college and going off to Utah to student teach and warp *cough* I mean, shape young minds in the ways and workings of theatre, my baby brother will be getting married early next year and I may or may not apply to graduate school in Oregon or Washington. There are also other things quickly emerging from the inky blue blackness of the ever approaching horizon that I am more than ready for and more than willing to accept and embrace. I am ready to accept with open arms this new and exciting and long-awaited for next chapter of my wonderful life here on this earth. I've learned much while going to school here in Rexburg.

I've learned the value of good friendships and that those treasured friendships will always be there for you, making Shirley Temples and tying knots in the leftover maraschino cherry stems, just to get you to crack a smile.

I've learned that it is always best to be prepared for any type of weather in Rexburg; for one minute it could be sunshiny and lovely, blowing your hair around in a most becoming way with the fallen leaves or it could quite more possibly, with the wind as a helper, blow you over, peel back your flesh from your face, freeze the insides of your nasal passages and make you feel as if you're reenacting the Martin and Willie Handcart Company trek as you struggle your way up the hill to the Hinckley building. Always wear a scarf.

I've learned the importance of pushing yourself to do things that you never would've imagined for yourself, for it opens up so many more doors to wonderful, beautiful, breathtaking, life-changing opportunities. Stretch yourself, push your limits, step outside of the confines of your little cardboard box and just let yourself fly. You may discover a deep love and appreciation for your new found loves and talents, but most importantly a oneness, a rightness and a deep love and appreciation for yourself. 

I have also, much to my dismay, learned what it means to fall in love and then to get your heart broken. There are some things that take a good deal of time to recover from, and some things, as much as you'd like them to leave, will probably always be there until one day, quite suddenly, they're only a distant and faded memory. There are reasons for which I have gone through this particular experience that I am eternally grateful for and I wouldn't trade what I've learned for anything, but sometimes I wish that I could just hold onto the feelings I felt and discovered and then be able to erase the memory of the man that gave them to me.

I have also, while going back and forth between home and Rexburg, what it means to really be in tune with the Holy Spirit and what it means to follow promptings the moment you receive them. I have learned the importance and eternal significance of the role of prayer in my life and what my life might be like without that beautiful blessing. I have also learned to recognize my answers to prayers and to lovingly and with faith, to accept them for what they are, and take them into my person. I have learned and I am still learning, what it really means to have faith and trust in God and to really and truly love Him as my Father. He knows me better than I know myself and ultimately, He knows what plans He has for my life and that they will all work out, one way or another, even if I don't see it that way. He has wonderful plans in store for me within the next few months and I will continue to do everything that is within my power to be worthy of those special plans and blessings, for more than anything else in this world, I need and want what He is going to bestow upon me and I can't wait.

So I guess what I have to say at the end of all of this ridiculous fluff is... don't give up. Keep going, keep trudging forward, one day and one step at a time. Your destiny awaits you, all you have to do is look up, reach out and grab it. It's coming.

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not quite, the not-yet, the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you deserved can be won. It exists, it is real, is possible, it is yours." -Ayn Rand

And don't let anyone tell you different; not even yourself.

A rant, if you please.

http://stephanie-ann-mcmurtrey.blogspot.com/2012/04/day-one-five-ways-to-win-my-heart.html

Ok ya'll, this is just a random rant and with that in mind, I want you to also keep the above post on your little check list as you read this.

When it comes to relationships, men need to keep in mind that with me, they're probably getting more than they bargained for. Because of how I have been treated in past relationships, because of my abusive childhood, I am...and I hate to say this...I am extremely high maintenance. I am very needy and I need constant reassurance about my significant other's affections for me. I get scared easily, I get incredibly insecure and when that happens, my mind goes into over drive and pretty soon I've concocted up a horrible scenario in which the boy in question is a veritable Cowboy Casanova and I've convinced myself that all of the lovely things he's said to me were all to get me to give out my kisses like pretzels. If a man has made it far enough into my life that I have started to give my trust to him, them he needs to step it up and do all that he can to keep it that way! I know that sounds terrible and demanding, but that's just the way that I am. My past has made me who I am today, but with that comes a few things that make relationships difficult. I have been used, abused and ripped up one side and down the other and made to feel smaller and more insignificant than any girl should ever have to feel. In my relationships, I need to feel like I matter and that I'm special and valuable and worthwhile. I need to be made to feel like the daughter of God that I am and I don't think that's too much to ask.

Thoughts on Loss

Loss. Whether we like it or not, loss is something that we all have to deal with in our lives, in one way or another, at some time or another. Loss of time, loss of love, loss of a family member, loss of a dream, it goes on and on and yet...we know deep down, despite the pain and anguish we feel, that loss is a necessary part of our lives. We know from learning the gospel and from experience that loss helps us to grow and become the children of God that Heavenly Father knows we can be. Loss gives us the opportunity to rise above the circumstances in which we find ourselves in order to better them.

Loss gives us the beautiful oppportunity of discovering who we truly are and what we truly want in this life, what we are willing and able to endure to get what we want or need and what we are willing to do to obtain it.

Over the past few months I have endured a loss that I never thought I would have to deal with and it has almost brought me to my breaking point. This particular loss has motivated me to look beyond myself and look at what really matters, what I really want and what I am truly capable of. This heartbreak I have experienced has, as a surprise to me, solidified in me the knowledge that I am a daughter of God and as such, that I deserve the best. But depsite the crippling anguish I have felt in this experience, I understand the reason behind it and I have come to be grateful for the experience. Still, knowing the reason behind a trial or a loss doesn't always make it easier to handle, does it?



-Henry B. Eyring, "Mountains to Climb", April 2012:

"...I have another encouragement to those who now wonder if their faith in Jesus Christ will be sufficient for them to endure well to the end. I was blessed to have known others of you who are listening now when you were younger, vibrant, gifted beyond most of those around you, yet you chose to do what the Savior would have done. Out of your abundance you found ways to help and care for those you might have ignored or looked down upon from your place in life.

When hard trials come, the faith to endure them well will be there, built as you may now notice but may have not at the time that you acted on the pure love of Christ, serving and forgiving others as the Savior would have done. You built a foundation of faith from loving as the Savior loved and serving for Him. Your faith in Him led to acts of charity that will bring you hope.

It is never too late to strengthen the foundation of faith. There is always time. With faith in the Savior, you can repent and plead for forgiveness. There is someone you can forgive. There is someone you can thank. There is someone you can serve and lift. You can do it wherever you are and however alone and deserted you may feel.

I cannot promise an end to your adversity in this life. I cannot assure you that your trials will seem to you to be only for a moment. One of the characteristics of trials in life is that they seem to make clocks slow down and then appear almost to stop.

There are reasons for that. Knowing those reasons may not give much comfort, but it can give you a feeling of patience. Those reasons come from this one fact: in Their perfect love for you, Heavenly Father and the Savior want you fitted to be with Them to live in families forever. Only those washed perfectly clean through the Atonement of Jesus Christ can be there......

If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest as well as the easiest times in life can be a blessing. In all conditions, we can choose the right with the guidance of the Spirit. We have the gospel of Jesus Christ to shape and guide our lives if we choose it. And with prophets revealing to us our place in the plan of salvation, we can live with perfect hope and a feeling of peace. We never need to feel that we are alone or unloved in the Lord’s service because we never are. We can feel the love of God. The Savior has promised angels on our left and our right to bear us up.¹⁰ And He always keeps His word.

I testify that God the Father lives and that His Beloved Son is our Redeemer. The Holy Ghost has confirmed truth in this conference and will again as you seek it, as you listen, and as you later study the messages of the Lord’s authorized servants, who are here. President Thomas S. Monson is the Lord’s prophet to the entire world. The Lord watches over you. God the Father lives. His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, is our Redeemer. His love is unfailing. I so testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

"How we are taught"

This is something that I feel compelled to write about; something I feel like I need to explain in detail. I often say that we are Children of God and with that title, we are unique wholly to ourselves. There is no one else on the earth like us. There are special talents and purposes that only we have, that only we can fulfill. So with that in mind, have you noticed that God teaches everyone differently? Just because He teaches you one way, doesn't mean that He teaches everyone that way.

Heavenly Father, being the great being that He is, tailors our earthly education to us.
I have learned over the past few months that I learn a lot differently than most people and that because of this, Heavenly Father adjusts accordingly and is able to teach me in a way that I can understand. The way He teaches me is different from how He teaches my mother, my sisters, my brother, my nieces, my nephew, my grandparents...how Heavenly Father teaches us is different and specific to each person. The way He teaches me probably wouldn't make sense to most people.

That being said, we need to remember that Heavenly Father teaches each of us differently because of our individuality and we need to respect that. We should never disregard or scoff at someone's personal, spiritual experiences, trials or answers to prayers just because they don't make sense to us. And why would they make sense to us? You are not this other person; you are not inside their head, so you shouldn't presume to think that the way you learn is the right way and that the ways that everyone else learns are invalid. To think that God teaches everyone the same is being belligerent and ignorant. We are different for a purpose and God shows us that through how He teaches us and how we learn from those lessons/experiences.

That is the beauty of this life. That we are able to express our individuality, our divine nature in such a way that we are able to show to the world that we are Children of God. We are unique, we are special and God loves and teaches us individually. If we were all the same, His purpose and plan for us would not be able to set in motion. So, don't worry if it seems like your answers to prayers come in a different way than someone else's, that your spiritual experiences are different from everyone else's, or that your trials seem vastly blown out of proportion in relation to everybody else....it's supposed to be that way.

So just remember, everyone learns differently and Heavenly Father teaches everyone differently, and how you need to be taught and how you learn is valid and true and right and important.





http://www.lds.org/new-era/2012/07/how-to-pray-and-seek-answers?lang=eng&query=we+taught

"Obtaining Your Happily Ever After"

This is a talk I wrote for one of my religion classes and it's something that I think every young woman needs to hear.

“Obtaining Your Happily Ever After”

            When many young women hear the phrase “And they lived happily ever after”, a few different things come to mind; riding off into the sunset with a dashing and valiant prince on a noble steed, a wedding dress that rivals Princess Diana’s, glass slippers and an eternity of bliss after marriage that will put Westley and Buttercup to shame. While many of these things can be true in a young woman’s “happily ever after”, it is not all that Heavenly Father wants or has in store for us in this important time of our lives. These dreams are not the only components that make up a “happily ever after”. In order to truly have a “happily ever after” you must not only learn to love and accept yourself as a daughter of God, never settle,  keep the commandments, follow promptings, be patient and find joy in the journey, but a “happily ever after” is something that you must work at, treasure and cultivate forever.

            In Proverbs 31:10 it states, “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.” One of the most important things a young woman can do that will benefit her life and her happily ever after, is being able to see herself for the child of God that she is. This is essential because how will she be able to succeed in and enjoy life if she doesn’t believe that she can or is capable of doing so? And ultimately, how will she be able to love someone else enough to marry them if she does not learn to love herself first?

            In Elder Uchtdorf’s talk “Your Happily Ever After” to the young women of the church in the April 2010 General Conference he stated, “Everywhere you look today, you will find promises of happiness. Ads in magazines promise total bliss if you will only buy a certain outfit, shampoo, or makeup. Certain media productions glamorize those who embrace evil or who give in to base instincts. Often these same people are portrayed as models of success and accomplishment… Sisters, they suppose wrong.”

            Each young woman, each young man…each child of God is unique and has an array of talents and qualities that are specific to them. Each of you has a divine purpose that you were meant to fulfill; that only you can do. Beauty, talent and self-worth come in all shapes, sizes and physical and spiritual gifts. Each of you is special in your own way and if you can believe that and begin to see that in yourself, and see yourself as God sees you, your “happily ever after” will be well within reach. “But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” (1^st Samuel 16:7) Once these things are realized in your life you will know and value what you deserve and you will settle for nothing less. You will strive to be the person that God knows you to be.

            During our trials as we work towards our happily ever after and during our happily ever after, it is important to remember who we are and what we stand for; to keep the commandments and follow promptings. We must never forget to follow Heavenly Father’s plan for us, even if we don’t understand why He’s asking us to do something. Heavenly Father gives us trials and difficult circumstances in order to give us the opportunity to strengthen our faith in Him and to draw closer to Him and to Christ. During these difficult and trying times He gives us the choice to trust in Him, even though we can’t see the end result or the reason, or He gives us the choice to strike out on our own and to learn our lesson in a different way. Either way Heavenly Father makes sure that we have a choice and He makes sure, that regardless of our decision on how to proceed down our projected path, that we are taken care of and that we learn the lesson we were meant to learn.

            Heavenly Father believes in you. He sees potential in you that you cannot yet see in yourself and He knows what you can handle, what you can’t and when you’ll reach out for help to endure. The trials and experiences He has been giving you are helping you to find that potential and become that person that He knows you can be. Know that the plan that Heavenly Father has for you is so much bigger and so much more brilliant, bright and beautiful than the plan you have for yourself. He loves you SO much and if you just ask, He will help you. In your times of trial and suffering, be thankful that He loves you enough to “hurt” you. He is just waiting for you to humble yourself and ask for His help so that He can bless you with more blessings than you ever imagined.

            In the 2008 October General Conference talk “Come What May and Love It” Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin said, “How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can’t—at least not in the moment…But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life. If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness.” (Emphasis Added).

            Even though it is difficult, and often times unbearable, it is important to remember that all of our trials have a purpose; there is a reason behind each and every single one we go through. As we work to remember this fact, we must also work to remember that we must seek out Heavenly Father’s guidance, for He always has our best interests at heart and just like our trials, there is a reason behind everything He asks us to do. Elder Uchtdorf stated, “I understand that, at times, some may wonder why they attend Church meetings or why it is so important to read the scriptures regularly or pray to our Heavenly Father daily. Here is my answer: You do these things because they are part of God’s path for you. And that path will take you to your ‘happily ever after’ destination.”

            In the words of Heavenly Father to Joseph Smith in the Liberty Jail, “7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; 8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.”

            My own personal story with the principle and idea of finding my “happily ever after”, has been a heart-wrenchingly painful and difficult journey. As a young child, my father instilled in me the idea, through his words and actions, that I was worthless and of no consequence. He taught me that no one’s feelings, not even my own or my mother’s, mattered but his. Through his abusive nature towards me and my family and his adulterous behavior, I began to believe that I could trust no man; that all men were like this. By the time my parents divorced in May 2005, I firmly believed everything that he said to me was true. Having this difficult childhood would prove more of a problem than I ever could have imagined as I entered my first semester of college in the Winter of 2009. In my first serious relationship as a young adult, I discovered that I had a lot to learn and a lot that I needed help to fix. And at the end of my sophomore year of college I made the decision to seek help from a certified counselor.

            Through working with my counselor, I finally began to see myself as God and others saw me; I finally saw myself as the princess that I am. I gained confidence and hope in the future to come and my whole outlook on life and relationships changed. Still, through the next couple of years, I discovered that my journey and road to self-discovery and my happily ever after was far from over. The next few years, up until now (in my senior year of college), I experienced a few more relationships and heartbreak, learning something new, essential and important to my eternal progress. I also discovered that even though I had grown to love myself for the daughter of God I was, I still believed that because of the abuse I had experienced as a child had damaged something inside of me. I believed that something crucial inside of me was broken and that no matter how much I gave this burden up to God and to Christ, that it couldn’t be fixed, and that even though I wanted it more than anything, an eternal love and marriage was not in the cards for me. And I had begun to accept that, until I met someone that changed everything. This particular individual helped me to see what everyone said I was missing out on in a relationship; he made me realize that I was more than capable of loving someone enough to want to marry them for eternity. But, for reasons I didn’t understand until very recently, this friendship ended, cruelly and abruptly.

            At first I was angry and terribly heartbroken and just plain defeated. I wondered why things had to be this way and why, if this was a lesson that needed to be learned, why did I need to learn it this way?  And then I realized something. Before I could continue on my path to my “Happily Ever After”, Heavenly Father needed my outlook on marriage and relationships change; He needed me to learn that not only was I capable of loving someone enough to want to marry them for eternity, but that I was not broken and that my dreams could become reality. This lesson that I needed to learn was something that I could not have learned any other way than to be able to experience it firsthand. It would not have worked any other way.

            Heavenly Father has taken away my pain, sorrow and heartbreak over the loss of an eternal love because I asked Him to; because I realized that I couldn’t cope with it on my own. I needed His help; I needed Christ’s help, to be able to and to start to heal. Because of this experience I am now truly ready to accept and follow the plan that Heavenly Father has for me. I am ready to start fresh and accept His guidance towards my future. I am strong enough. I am worthy. I am capable. I am ready to go down the path that will lead me to my future and my eternal companion. Because of what I have experienced previously and as of late, I will always do what Heavenly Father asks of me, even when I don’t understand it because I know the blessings that come from doing that firsthand.

            My dear friends, our journey to our “Happily Ever After” is not a journey that starts and ends after a few experiences. It is something that as we continue to live worthily, we must work at, treasure and cultivate forever. We must learn to love and accept ourselves as children of God, never settle, follow promptings, and ultimately, be patient and find joy in the journey to our “Happily Ever After” and trust that no matter what, God has everything under control. He is the author of our fairytale and if we remember that, why should we worry?

            In closing, in the words of Elder Uchtdorf, “‘Happily ever after’ is not something found only in fairy tales. You can have it! It is available for you! But you must follow your Heavenly Father’s map… As an Apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ, I leave you my blessing and give you a promise that as you accept and live the values and principles of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, “[you] will be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive the ordinances of the temple, and enjoy the blessings of exaltation.” And the day will come when you turn the final pages of your own glorious story; there you will read and experience the fulfillment of those blessed and wonderful words: “And they lived happily ever after.”

           

           

Something I Need to Remember

I am beautiful, smart, strong and courageous.

I am a future wife and a future mother.

I am a daughter of God.

I am a sister and friend.

I am of infinite worth.