Tuesday, October 30, 2012

I'm NOT crazy, though sometimes, I feel like it...

I'm NOT crazy, though sometimes, more often lately, I feel like it. Most of the time I'm flying by the seat of my pants and going wherever the wind and God blow me. I've taken a step off of the edge of the cliff of life into the void, free-falling and hoping that He will catch me at the bottom. Now more than ever, I'm learning what it feels like to take two steps into the darkness before I can even begin to see the light of my future. Even though I KNOW that everything will work out, a large part of me is still terrified that it won't. I am involved in so many different things this semester, most of which have to do with me completing requirements so that I can graduate AND to top it all off, most of these things, in order for them to work out, depend on the continued success of all of the other things and if one tiny thing goes out of place, it'll all blow up and fall down like a nuclear disaster of dominoes and you'll have to cart me off to the loony-bin in a straight jacket. Can ya see why I'm a little stressed out and crazy? Yeah, I thought so.

I just want everyone to know that even though it may not seem like it most of the time, God and I DO have everything handled. It's mostly Him though. ;) In the next coming months, I AM going to take things slow and I am going to involve God every step of the way. I know you think it's your job to make sure I don't do anything stupid, to make sure I don't get myself hurt or heartbroken, to make sure that I don't pounce when I shouldn't, and to make sure that I don't get my hopes up or rush into anything, but you know what? A lot of that isn't your business. I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just stating the facts. I love you all (you know who you are and whom I am referring to), but please let me try and figure this out. I know you are just trying to protect me, but it's not your job. I'm a big girl and I talk to Heavenly Father on a near-constant-basis; 24/7. I am blessed enough to know and be sure of the solid and unique relationship I have with Him, so you don't need to worry as much as you do. I'm not going to go ahead with anything in life without His say-so and approval. SO...chill-ax already, will ya? We've got it covered. I'm going to take things one day and one solitary step at a time because that's what I can do and that's what I can handle. Please try to understand that and know that I trust God enough to let Him lead me to where I need to be and to where I need to go, even if I'm doing it without being able to see where He's taking me.

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